I hope this reaches you well. I just got home from church not long ago, and I just have a heavy heart. I have been having some friends over off and on over the past couple weeks to watch movies. It is a good time since I always enjoy watching movies, and specifically the movies we have been watching have been from a “master list” of movies that I had not seen, but that they think I should. Like I said, it has been a good time getting to spend time with them and watch something new.
I honestly would like to spend time with them regardless of what we are doing. Could just be employing parallel play tactics and that would be fine. I just like being around others I know, even if we aren’t doing anything specific. I don’t know if they know this about me though. I have tried to sit in a coffee shop and read the bible and take notes and whatnot, but I just have a certain level of social anxiety or something to really feel like I have been productive. How do I tell my friends that I want their company without being weird about it? Like I understand that they may not think it is an overly strange request but still. Doesn’t help that most of them are married though. Bringing one of the guys away from his wife doesn’t really make sense, but at the same time it also doesn’t make sense for both of them to be around if I feel inclined to talk about specific personal topics on a man to man level. I want my friends to know that my place is open and they are free to come and go. As long as I am home that is. I just don’t know how to tell them that without sounding kinda weird.
The heavy heart part is just me having feelings about not finding a partner in life. I don’t have someone to spend time with outside of the friend group, so often times I am alone. I don’t mind being alone from time to time, but it is just difficult being alone all the time. I just don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. Friends are out with their spouses and other friends/family, and I am just here on my couch crying softly as I pray to God that I long for a spouse of my own. That is a bit of a problem I have being in my mid 20s, all my friends are married and at a completely different stage of life than me. Which I mean, good for them. I am glad that they found a companion and are doing life together. I just wish I could do the same.